New Years is a time for reflection and contemplation. With that in mind, we think it would be beneficial to examine what we have learned over the last year. What the hell, we’ll just take the last week; it’s much more amusing. Here we go.
What we learned this holiday season:
- If you have food stuck in your teeth and are short on floss, a switchblade will do quite nicely.
- 28 toed farm cats give the best hugs.
- Even the most beautiful mother in the world can toss up a middle finger with the best of them.
- If you visit Auntie Marilynn, there is a 90% chance you’ll be coming home with a new hat.
- Shelley’s trunk of rocks isn’t nearly as lame as it first appears. It’s still ridiculously heavy and a giant pain in the ass, but in the end it is pretty freaking cool.
- When speed skating in bare feet on an outdoor ice rink, a slide counts as a win. It’s about speed and passion, not balance.
- Kitchen clean up cannot be overemphasized. Ham should only be carved with a butter knife. Better yet, a spoon.
- Kelvin needs to get his hearing tested.
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed with all of the activity over the holidays, a 4 hour drive can cool you down nicely.
- If you put a vegetarian in charge of the prime rib, she’d gonna fuck it up.
- Thankfully, it can still fry up nicely in a pan (sacrilege!)
- Some ultrasound technicians have hands the size of microwaves.
- You can change the names in a story in an attempt to protect people’s identities, but in the end, we all know who the S.C. is.
All in all it was an interesting trip. Thank you, once again, Clearwater for providing us with hilarious stories for the next decade. Happy freaking New Year!
K & J