What the Fuck?

I am going to keep this short because I can’t fucking deal with it and have no idea how this could even happen. This has not been confirmed yet (we hope that it will be either confirmed or denied tomorrow so that we at least have an answer), but we heard through the grapevine today that Joey is now at the point where he is too sick to be the recipient of a live donor transplant. He doesn’t know this yet and we are waiting for confirmation, which we will hopefully get tomorrow and then we will tell him. We don’t want him to have any unneccessary stress if this turns out to be bullshit. Unfortunately, I don’t think it is. Well, I do, but more in a “How the fuck could this bullshit happen when you have people lined up out the door willing to help you” way than a “This information is false” kind of way.

Although he seemed much better today, the previous 3 days have been a dramatic and steady decline. To say that he is confused and forgetful is an understatement. He’s been having hallucinations, false beliefs, is falling asleep with food in his mouth, crunching pills, dropping things, getting angry at people who are trying to help him (myself and other loved ones included), has a severely delayed response time, can’t find the words he is looking for and has a vacant stare in his eyes the majority of the time he is awake, which isn’t very often. Yesterday morning, one of the GIs at St.Paul’s told him that his “confusion” is due to his liver failure, which can only be fixed with a transplant, which I now believe that he will only recieve if someone who is a match happened to register to be an organ donor. (To check your status, click on this link: www.transplant.bc.ca ).

So that’s where we’re at. To say that I am a mess is an understatement. I don’t know what to do. I can’t imagine my life without him and don’t want to. This is fucking bullshit.


One thought on “What the Fuck?

  1. margand1 February 10, 2011 / 8:11 am

    Kirsten , this is fucking bullshit. Lean on us when it all gets too much , we will always be here for both of you.

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