The Panic

One month and one day today.

The panic comes in waves of intensity, but is always there to some degree. I made a start on opening the sympathy cards, but had to stop shortly after I started because it made it too real. The panic surged; I went back to bed for a while. That is my comfort zone. Where I would go to be with Joey when he was still here.

It feels like someone has ripped my heart from my chest and torn it into a thousand pieces. That is how I was doing for most of the day and how I am doing most days.

Tonight I made my first meal just for me. That is huge. Depressing, but huge.


One thought on “The Panic

  1. mycatisnottoofat March 23, 2011 / 8:12 pm

    How can it already be a month? It feels like yesterday. Please come visit me. Next week is spring break and I have no plans. You could stay in bed all day if you like, and I would make you meals. It would be nice to cook for two. My cats would cuddle you all day long if you let them.

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