One month and one day today.
The panic comes in waves of intensity, but is always there to some degree. I made a start on opening the sympathy cards, but had to stop shortly after I started because it made it too real. The panic surged; I went back to bed for a while. That is my comfort zone. Where I would go to be with Joey when he was still here.
It feels like someone has ripped my heart from my chest and torn it into a thousand pieces. That is how I was doing for most of the day and how I am doing most days.
Tonight I made my first meal just for me. That is huge. Depressing, but huge.